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  • Regina Stafford

The Heartbroken Wife

This is for all the wives who are strong, tenacious, wise and successful. You set your sights on something and you go after it. You know how to hold your own. You don’t let others intimidate you. Some of you are mothers, professionals, civil servants, teachers, and artists. You have a great work ethic and have worked for everything you have. Bravo to you! I wholeheartedly celebrate and support you my sisters. I entitled this blog “The Heartbroken Wife” because no matter how successful we are in other areas of our lives, it hurts to feel like you’re failing in your marriage. In over 30 years of counseling and coaching couples I have found that many strong successful woman seem to have the hardest time being or feeling successful within their marriage. (By successful I mean good at it.) They start off with the dream of how wonderful it’s going to be: to be married to the love of their life and getting to spend the rest of their lives with him, but somewhere along the way the dream doesn’t match up to the reality. Being married in today’s world is very challenging. The traditions and norms of years ago are no longer relevant in a household where two people are working outside of the home, rearing children together, having separate incomes and bank accounts, step children, ex’s and on and on. I’m sure many of you have tried everything you could to bring about change, enrichment, and greater intimacy within your marriage but simply don’t know what else you can do.  Let’s see if together, we can reload our “tool boxes“ with something new and look at a redefined blueprint of marriage. It is possible to have a successful marriage and enjoy one of the most important relationships in our lives!  Each of us have a different idea of what we want our home to look like. We can start with looking at our different childhood experiences, both good and bad.  One tool I’ve found to be effective is being on the same page. Getting married means the two of you just became a team. Every successful team has a playbook that they refer to so that they can do their part to win the game. The first tool in getting you on the same page is to have a “playbook,” so to speak. You need to spend some time discussing and planning to make that happen. This is your home and you both get to choose what it’s going to look like. Keep the good things from your childhood experiences, throw out the bad, and incorporate new ones.  I, Me and Mine need to go out the window. It should become: We, Us and Ours. Both of you are important in the relationship and both have opinions and needs. As mature adults we need to communicate those needs (no mind reading allowed!), listen well (practice active listening), always respect (no judgment), and strive toward a win-win situation. Getting on the same page is a great place to begin, even if you’ve been married for many years. It's the foundation that every marriage needs to be able to build upon. When the foundation is faulty, the everyday stress and storms of life can weaken the relationship.   #MarriageBuilders #RewardsCoaching


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