There are certain expectations that we all have on what life with our mate is going to look like years down the road. Thoughts like, “he’s going to complete me, he’s going to make me happy, he’s going to meet all my needs, and I’ll never be lonely once I’m married!” Or maybe, “he’s going to support all my dreams and make me a priority in his life and life will be like _____ “(fill in the blank). As is often the case though, after living together for a few years, you can wind up a little disillusioned, exasperating the situation in an attempt to fix it.
Can you remember what you originally expected your marriage to be like? How has it measured up after a few years have passed? Were those expectations met? We invest a lot of emotional energy into our thoughts, which is why it can literally take the wind out of your sails when and if reality falls short. An ineffective way of dealing with this would be to blame your spouse for all he should be doing to measure up. Trying to change someone else so that we will be happy is knee jerk reaction, not a good way of handling a situation. We have outgrown those old scripts. They are no longer relevant to marriage today. Let’s try another approach.
In over 30 years of working with couples, I have found expectations to be a big blind spot (for both men and women). Good marriages can be hurt by blind spots. When not recognized and tended to, over time they can lead to unhealthy relational patterns. In the course of daily life, working, raising children or both, it’s easy to default to “knee jerk reactions”. But it’s important to periodically pause, be objective, and emotionally reflective. Question yourself when you are feeling unfulfilled in your marriage. Many times you will find that you are disappointed because envisioned something different than what you actually have. As stated previously, there is a lot of energy invested in our expectations (thoughts and imaginings), so the emotional fall out from the let down can be pretty potent. Try to pause, ask yourself what you were expecting in certain areas and if it’s lining up to your reality. Don’t be afraid to listen to whatever may come up. When you find a disconnect, consider what needs to be adjusted in your thinking and what you’d like from this vantage point.
This is a new day! Women understand the importance of adjusting their sails as they go along. We no longer depend a husband to make us happy. We are not afraid to check ourselves and our own thoughts and feelings. Once we have gained personal insight, we can then use our voice more effectively and engage with our husband from a healthy place. Even the best marriages are hit with a blind spot from time to time. Personal reflection over knee jerk reactions is what helps them remain the “best” marriages. #wegotthis #wearepowerfulwoman #rockstarwives #notafraidtoownit #newtoolsnewtoolbox #marriagebuilders #rewardscoaching
I post my blogs bi-weekly, with a focus on strengthening and encouraging the amazing women and wives that you all are. Please comment and feel free to contact me for a specific topic you'd like me to address or expound on. Like and share too. Don't forget to enter your email below to subscribe for news and speaking events!