Is it wrong for a husband or wife to be having a conversation via text or email with the opposite sex? This is a question that in my experience has presented many arguments and has broken trust between couples I’ve coached.
Texting has become the easiest way to communicate with someone when you can’t talk at the moment. It’s private, especially if others are around and you don’t want them to hear your conversation. With a password lock on your phone you can also control who has access to it.
Given how private and personal this texting world is, it’s easy to see why a married person could get so upset when their spouse is texting a “friend” of the opposite sex. Instead of answering this question with a right or wrong answer, let’s look at what’s healthy for relationship and what isn’t.
The goal in a marriage is to work toward unity, trust, and support of each other’s shared values. I believe there are certain safeguards that you put in place when you are married, to protect your love, your connectedness and mutual trust at all costs. Your marriage is the most important relationship you have. It is the foundation of your teamwork, your family, and the future you build together. It’s unfortunate when some people are so flippant about it and don’t care for it properly. Trust can be easily broken and extremely hard and painful to repair.
One important safeguard could be around this issue of texting. It would be good to have a conversation with your spouse regarding your feelings about it, as well as being proactive in protecting the integrity of your relationship. When your marriage is worth everything to you, you don’t jeopardize it for any friendship. I’ve seen many a spouse defend their friendship, ignoring their spouse’s feelings. They label their mate as insecure, crazy, and making a big thing out of it stating; “they just need to get over it.” Those very words just reinforced for them, that you are lacking discretion and are not protecting your relationship first and foremost. Remember, it’s these little foxes that wear away at loving relationships. If a person doesn’t feel important, protected, and supported, disconnection will result.
One could take another viewpoint such as trusting your spouse. This is true, but only if both of you are comfortable with it and there are no secrets. All passwords are known, phones can be looked at whenever - without question, and the “friend” is a mutual one so the spouse feels included. Does this sound too rigid, too paranoid, or too cautious? Not in the least! After working with couples for many years I’ve learned that it’s important to have such safeguards in place around anything that could possibly be an issue of harm in your relationship (ie; finances, schedules, children). Once in place, they act as personal boundaries that you’ve crafted together. Boundaries are not limiting; they are actually very mature and very freeing. Boundaries not only keep others out, they also serve to personally remind you of what’s important enough to protect. #Marriagebuilders #Rewardscoaching #textingboundaries #trust
If you have a question regarding marriage, relationships, personal development or matters of leadership, please include them in the comments and I’ll be happy to answer them. If you want to keep it anonymous, inbox, message or email me.
I post my blogs bi-weekly, with a focus on strengthening and encouraging the amazing women and wives that you all are. Please comment and feel free to contact me for a specific topic you'd like me to address or expound on. Like and share too. Don't forget to enter your email below to subscribe for news and speaking events!