Is it wrong for a husband or wife to be having a conversation via text or email with the opposite sex? This is a question that in my experience has presented many arguments and has broken trust between couples I’ve coached.
Texting has become the easiest way to communicate with someone when you can’t talk at the moment. It’s private, especially if others are around and you don’t want them to hear your conversation. With a password lock on your phone you can also control who has access to it.
Given how private and personal this texting world is, it’s easy to see why a married person could get so upset when their spouse is texting a “friend” of the opposite sex. Instead of answering this question with a right or wrong answer, let’s look at what’s healthy for relationship and what isn’t.
The goal in a marriage is to work toward unity, trust, and support of each other’s shared values. I believe there are certain safeguards that you put in place when you are married, to protect your love, your connectedness and mutual trust at all costs. Your marriage is the most important relationship you have. It is the foundation of your teamwork, your family, and the future you build together. It’s unfortunate when some people are so flippant about it and don’t care for it properly. Trust can be easily broken and extremely hard and painful to repair.
One important safeguard could be around this issue of texting. It would be good to have a conversation with your spouse regarding your feelings about it, as well as being proactive in protecting the integrity of your relationship. When your marriage is worth everything to you, you don’t jeopardize it for any friendship. I’ve seen many a spouse defend their friendship, ignoring their spouse’s feelings. They label their mate as insecure, crazy, and making a big thing out of it stating; “they just need to get over it.” Those very words just reinforced for them, that you are lacking discretion and are not protecting your relationship first and foremost. Remember, it’s these little foxes that wear away at loving relationships. If a person doesn’t feel important, protected, and supported, disconnection will result.
One could take another viewpoint such as trusting your spouse. This is true, but only if both of you are comfortable with it and there are no secrets. All passwords are known, phones can be looked at whenever - without question, and the “friend” is a mutual one so the spouse feels included. Does this sound too rigid, too paranoid, or too cautious? Not in the least! After working with couples for many years I’ve learned that it’s important to have such safeguards in place around anything that could possibly be an issue of harm in your relationship (ie; finances, schedules, children). Once in place, they act as personal boundaries that you’ve crafted together. Boundaries are not limiting; they are actually very mature and very freeing. Boundaries not only keep others out, they also serve to personally remind you of what’s important enough to protect. #Marriagebuilders #Rewardscoaching #textingboundaries #trust
If you have a question regarding marriage, relationships, personal development or matters of leadership, please include them in the comments and I’ll be happy to answer them. If you want to keep it anonymous, inbox, message or email me.
Have you ever been in a situation where you were praying, working and waiting on something? If you’re breathing, I’m sure you have. For some reason, waiting for something to come about seems so hard. I remember one of my professors saying;
“When one door closes another one opens, but the hallway is hell”.
A “hallway” is a place of waiting for the door - whichever door that may be- to open, doesn’t necessarily have to be hell. It all depends on the stance we take while waiting. If we are anxious, fretting or fearful that what we’re waiting for may not ever happen, or if we have a hard time letting go of control - not accepting there’s only so much we can actually do, then, the” hallway” will be hell.
As believers, our “waiting” can be different than this scenario. We can have peace in the hallway if we actually understand what happens in that space of waiting. I believe there is a “process” that God wants us to submit ourselves to, which will free us from undue anxiety, as we wait for the desired outcome. But first and foremost, we have to settle the issue of “what if it doesn’t turn out the way we want?” Depending on what you’re waiting for, and how much it means to you, this can be a tough one to reconcile. It challenges your faith and what you believe, and who you believe God to be.
The scriptures teach us that God is a loving Father. He made us. He sees us. He hears us, and will always take care of us. The process to peace in the hallway is faith in that. Again, depending on what you’re waiting for and how dear it is to your heart, there may be many feelings and emotions involved. There may be pain, frustration, disappointment, and anger with God should He answer differently than you had hoped. Nevertheless, your experience with God’s goodness and love will eventually cause you to land in a good place. A place you couldn’t even imagine while in the midst of an onslaught of emotions; a place that would never have been possible if things had gone any other way. Corrie Ten Boon, a well known author who was in a concentration camp in Auschwitz for many years, wrote this in one of her many books about losing so many of her loved ones: “Hold everything loosely, or it will hurt when the Father allows them to be taken out of your hand”. Talk about faith!
Three Things We Learn While We Wait
The first thing the waiting teaches us is trust. It teaches us to trust and rely on our Heavenly Father if nothing else, during our brief journey on this earth. Some put their trust in the Universe, believing there are certain principles in place that are absolutely true, such as karma, the law of giving, the principle of honor, etc. Just as we’ve counted these principles to be worthy of trust, how much more the One who created the universe and set these principles in motion. Once this becomes your anchor, the rest is all about reframing your perspective. When the feelings of anxiety and fear, restlessness, and impatience arise, we can lean into our faith.
The faith that:
This repositioning is a process. Faith is something that builds as one walks with the Lord. This faith has been tested. The evidence of the Father’s goodness has been experienced time and again. It becomes steadfast when you walk to hell and back and you know it was God who helped you through. It reminds you He is worthy of your faith. Faith has substance; it’s anything but blind. Faith can turn a light on in the hallway and bring all of heaven to your side supernaturally.
#Faith #tested #waiting # love #Loved #process #Quantumphysicssupportsthebible #Rewardscoaching
Writing this blog on EI has been enjoyable. I love the subject and understanding scientifically how growing one’s emotional intelligence rewires their brain. To me, it feels strategic, as you proactively choose your next thought or your next action. It’s certainly a much healthier approach to life; although it can at times, be more challenging.
Now that we’ve looked at how EI benefits our personal lives in the first two blog posts, let’s look at how it can help us at work. Understanding EI at its core, and using it in our personal lives, then translates to who we are in the work place. It’s not something you put on or take off depending on the need, it’s a personal stance you develop. It’s a value system shift. It’s looking at yourself and others as valuable, worthwhile beings. It is respectful and honoring in nature whether you’re dealing with the president of the company, someone in the mailroom, a wealthy person, or a poor person; it’s authentic! The people you work with and the people you work for can recognize it. In turn you become a safe person and their trust is earned.
Let’s look at a few different jobs to break this down better.
It really makes no difference what job, career or position a person with a high EI holds. They bring to work the same values they live by each day, which lends to a more positive and productive work place. #Rewardscoaching #EI #emotionalintelligence #happyworkplace #productiveworkplace #valuerespectandhonor
I post my blogs bi-weekly, with a focus on strengthening and encouraging the amazing women and wives that you all are, You'll also find relevant conversations on marriage, relationships communication, and thoughts on having a Spiritual Journey.