R.A.W. ~ Radically Altered Women
“It’s a terrible thing to see and have no vision”.
As people of faith, God wants us to partner with Him and dream big dreams. He wants us to do great things in His name and influence the world for the better. He’s given us gifts, abilities, resources, and the wisdom to do more than we could ever imagine. So what would stop us from considering some of the possibilities that we could accomplish if we took a “leap” of faith? Could it be we doubt what He’s put inside of us? Could it be fear of failure? Being looked at as strange? Or, do we allow feelings of inadequacy to limit our vision? Here’s the thing, we were not meant to accomplish a big “God-given” dream on our own. If there’s something tugging at our hearts to undertake, then He could be calling us to partner with Him to make it a reality.
In many places in the bible, we see amazing feats done by people who had great challenges and who felt the least equipped. They were presented with the possibility of what could be if they chose to believe God and partner with Him. Some did and some didn’t. Those who did, understood by being at such a disadvantage, God had to come through on their behalf or else what they hoped to accomplish wasn’t happening. So it caused them to seek Him. A few examples can be found in Joshua 6, Genesis 17:17, and Exodus 14. Each of these people understood how much God loved them, and how committed He was to them. They grasped that His plan was bigger than they could imagine, and He was inviting them to come on this journey with Him. All it required was a little bit of faith. Each time they saw God come through for them in what was promised, their faith became stronger for the next big challenge set before them. This is still true today for every believer. We are on a journey through life and we get to live as large (or small) as we’d like, as we partner with Him.
Don’t feel adequate for the call?
In the Bible, the book of Isaiah, verse 37:32 says, “The Zeal of the Lord will accomplish this.“ His “zeal”(passion, motivation, diligence, trust, courage, wisdom) is transferred to us when we pray and our “humanness” (fear, doubt, unbelief) is given over to Him, to equip us to do things beyond our natural abilities. It’s a “supernatural” thing. He put’s His “super” to our “natural” if you will.
This is an exciting way for a believer to live. There are no ruts to get into, there is no being complacent, and there is no boredom. You’ll be stretched in your dreams and in your faith. You’ll grow in character, in capacity, and in humility, as you lean into God and He shows you what you’re really made of. God loves you and is committed to you. In the book of Deuteronomy 28:8, one of the promises of God to us is;
“Whatever you put your hands to will prosper”.
God is on your side. He will not fail you. He wants you to dream big, to make a mark for the better while you’re here, and to leave an imprint of His love as your legacy. #Faithwalk,#rewardscoaching,#vision#gotdreams Regina Stafford
Where’s Your New “Arena”There are “arenas” in our lives that we excel in. We know we are good at what we do, and others recognize it. We flow easily through the tasks and feel confident about it. Being the confident, creative people that we are, many of us have yearnings to do things that are new for us as well. We toy with the idea of how great it would be to do something totally outside of our box; only to take that thought and shove it back down since it seems too risky for us. Some of us wouldn’t even dare share what we’re thinking for fear of seeming foolish to someone else. What stops us from unlocking that part of ourselves?
Inside every adult is still a “child”, a part of us that will always be there. It’s considered the “child” because of its characteristics. It has a sense of wonder and curiosity about everything in life and it’s not afraid to dream or imagine. A child imagines what it would be like to fly or be the boss and make the rules. They can freely color outside of the lines and use any color they want until someone comes and tells them they can’t. As adults, we often tell our “child” the same thing; “you can’t go outside of the lines”. Our inner child brings the fun to the adult. It brings the challenge and the excitement, the fun of learning and exploring to our necessary routines of life. The adult in us, having experienced failure, ridicule and shame, causes us to squash any idea the child may bring to the table. Since along with the idea comes a feeling of vulnerability, and we don’t like that feeling. We then start to think of all the reasons (excuses) why we won’t even consider it.
Being an adult keeps us from getting into trouble, it uses good judgment and helps us to live good stable, and productive lives. There is also a delicate balance of allowing the “adult” to be too controlling and keep us stuck inside of a box when our heart wants to explore a little. I’d love to challenge you with a few questions, which can open a whole new world for you.
If what is stopping you is based on good judgment and care for yourself and others, you may be correct in not doing it. If what’s stopping you is fear of failure, ridicule, or shame, you may want to challenge those feelings to see what’s on the other side. Sometimes how we view vulnerability just needs a little reframing.
Brene Brown, Ph.D., LMSW, who spent over ten years researching shame and vulnerability, wrote in her book, “Daring Greatly” How The Courage To Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead. A wonderful quote from her book, by Theodore Roosevelt, that changed her life, mine, and many others, It reads:
“ It’s not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man, who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood: who strives valiantly… who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly”.
I believe that it is not a good thing to become so much of an “adult” that we miss the fun, sweetness, and vibrancy one experiences with new endeavors - big or small for your career or personal life. Question yourself and listen to your heart to see when you can let the child come out and play. Silence your inner critic if it’s fear based, and don’t give much attention to anyone else who is afraid of stepping into a new “arena” as well, they will be the outer critics who want to keep you from it. Commit yourself to live a full rich life integrating your child and your adult; you will both benefit from it. #rewardscoaching, #lifecoachinghelpsovercomefear, #whatareyouwaitingfor.
I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase about someone who has the ability to “wear many hats”. It usually means they are able to do or oversee, many different tasks. Today’s blog is not about our “hats”. It’s about our “caps”. Unlike the hat, the “cap” is not an asset. It’s actually more of a “lid” to your capability, which is either self-imposed or imposed by others on us. New York Times Best Selling Author and Speaker, John Maxwell, has a wonderful book out called “No Limits” Blow the Cap Off Your Capacity. In it he describes our “cap” as our capacity. Many times we believe we have a limited capacity in certain areas and won’t even venture into new and unchartered territory, even if it’s something we greatly desire to do.
Sometimes a cap can come from something that was modeled for us. Maybe someone trained us in an area of work or in our personal lives, which has now become a part of us. You could do it with your eyes closed. Then one day you start to get an urge to try something different, make a change for the better, or add something new into your life. Now is when you will face your caps. Even the most successful and accomplished person has caps; areas of our lives that we choose to stay away from. What do you do about it? Do you discount it because it could be challenging or scary? Do you ignore it because it’s in an area you don’t consider to be one of your strengths? Or do you dive right in, sink or swim?
This is where some reflection and raw honesty comes in. If there is something we want to do, but realize we have, a “cap” we need to look at how it got there. Did someone say something about this area of your life? Possibly a parent, a friend, or a teacher? Somehow, we adopted a belief about ourselves that became a personal or professional cap. A perfect example of this is about a man I know who wanted to learn how to dance. When given the chance to dance, he always said, “I am clumsy and have two left feet and could never dance”. This cap remained with him for many years. Not being able to dance didn’t affect his success in life, and he never gave it another thought. Then he met a woman who enjoyed dancing, who wanted to learn ballroom dancing with him. She challenged his “cap” which in turned caused him to challenge it. He diligently set out to learn how to dance and develop this ability. He made a choice that would be good for the two of them, which then enlarged his capacity. Today he absolutely enjoys dancing more than he ever thought he would.
Maxwell says, “Awareness is key to overcoming caps”. In his book he offers a “Capacity Challenge” that I’d like to pass on to you:
If you grow in your awareness, develop your abilities, and make the right choices,
You can reach your capacity.
Are there “Caps” you are wearing that you’d like to remove?
#rewardscoaching #nocaps #nolimits #accomplishedwomen
When your dating with the hope of getting married, it’s important to make the most of your date. This is a time to lead with your head and not with your heart. Granted, it’s the “feel” or spark (your heart) that draws you toward someone, but then your head needs to step up and take the lead.
Your future is not a romance novel or a “Lifetime Movie”, where the woman follows her heart towards the man who gives her explosive sexual encounters, passionate and heated exchanges, or where she is the only person who can help calm, comfort, and protect this bad boy from himself. Indeed it can be an exciting whirlwind of a ride (for now) and there is never a dull moment with him, plus you feel truly special since you’re the only one who can “handle him”.
“Love is blind” only when you let your heart lead. It will explain away any rational conversations you can have with yourself and others, and it will ignore every red flag that is waved in front of you. I have seen and heard first hand of this “blindness”. There are many instances in life where the saying “follow your heart” is a freeing and wonderful way of being but not when it comes to finding a mate.
If we remember that marriage is about finding a person with whom you can build a life together, work as a team, then why would we ever choose a person who was narcissistic, immature, and who actually needed a mother instead of a wife. You wouldn’t! The scary thing is some women do so because they shut off their brain since it “feels” so good. If it feels good, it can’t be wrong, can it? (I think that’s how the song goes.) These sayings we use to guide our lives have holes in them when it comes to reality versus fantasy. This is how strong, powerful, smart women can lose their way when it comes to relationships.
Ladies, you are too wonderful and too important to waste your future babysitting or worse yet, being with someone you have to carry (since he can’t even carry his own weight). You have a long wonderful life ahead of you to explore, to grow, to experience, to share, to enjoy, and “to rock the hell out of”. This is not a time to get all soft and emotional, leaving your better judgment at the door. This is a time to ask questions about who he is and where he’s going. What his goals are, how he spends his money, and to watch his relationships with his family and friends. Does he love and respect them? When things go wrong, does he take responsibility for himself instead of blaming others? This may sound strong or harsh but if you fail to do this at the onset, then you risk getting more emotionally involved with each additional date.
Marriage is about teamwork and it’s only for the mature. You have to learn how to live, to work, to raise children, to handle finances and to build a life together. That can only be done with someone who is ready, willing and able to be a part of a team. #marraigebuilders #rewardscoaching#Lookbeforeyouleap #datingtips.
Today’s post is from my book “Look Before You Leap” A Simple Guide To A Healthy Dating Relationship. By Regina Stafford
Available at Xulonpress.com and Amazon.com
There are certain expectations that we all have on what life with our mate is going to look like years down the road. Thoughts like, “he’s going to complete me, he’s going to make me happy, he’s going to meet all my needs, and I’ll never be lonely once I’m married!” Or maybe, “he’s going to support all my dreams and make me a priority in his life and life will be like _____ “(fill in the blank). As is often the case though, after living together for a few years, you can wind up a little disillusioned, exasperating the situation in an attempt to fix it.
Can you remember what you originally expected your marriage to be like? How has it measured up after a few years have passed? Were those expectations met? We invest a lot of emotional energy into our thoughts, which is why it can literally take the wind out of your sails when and if reality falls short. An ineffective way of dealing with this would be to blame your spouse for all he should be doing to measure up. Trying to change someone else so that we will be happy is knee jerk reaction, not a good way of handling a situation. We have outgrown those old scripts. They are no longer relevant to marriage today. Let’s try another approach.
In over 30 years of working with couples, I have found expectations to be a big blind spot (for both men and women). Good marriages can be hurt by blind spots. When not recognized and tended to, over time they can lead to unhealthy relational patterns. In the course of daily life, working, raising children or both, it’s easy to default to “knee jerk reactions”. But it’s important to periodically pause, be objective, and emotionally reflective. Question yourself when you are feeling unfulfilled in your marriage. Many times you will find that you are disappointed because envisioned something different than what you actually have. As stated previously, there is a lot of energy invested in our expectations (thoughts and imaginings), so the emotional fall out from the let down can be pretty potent. Try to pause, ask yourself what you were expecting in certain areas and if it’s lining up to your reality. Don’t be afraid to listen to whatever may come up. When you find a disconnect, consider what needs to be adjusted in your thinking and what you’d like from this vantage point.
This is a new day! Women understand the importance of adjusting their sails as they go along. We no longer depend a husband to make us happy. We are not afraid to check ourselves and our own thoughts and feelings. Once we have gained personal insight, we can then use our voice more effectively and engage with our husband from a healthy place. Even the best marriages are hit with a blind spot from time to time. Personal reflection over knee jerk reactions is what helps them remain the “best” marriages. #wegotthis #wearepowerfulwoman #rockstarwives #notafraidtoownit #newtoolsnewtoolbox #marriagebuilders #rewardscoaching
I post my blogs bi-weekly, with a focus on strengthening and encouraging the amazing women and wives that you all are, Making marriages work well, and and having a Spiritual Journey.